Number 19: “Toy Story 3”

Why “Toy Story 3”? Why not just Toy Story?”  You may ask. These are very legitimate questions and my only answer is “HOLY SHIT TOY STORY 3 IS AMAZING!”

Now I’ve heard of sequels being better than originals (Terminator 2, Aliens) but the third?  NEVER!  Not Star Wars, Dark Knight, well maybe Lord of The Rings (but fuck those movies bore me), not nothing.

Just “Toy Story 3”.  It seemingly stands alone atop that glorious mountain.

Sometimes I don’t truly understand how much I love something until someone tells me how much they love it.  Bo Burnham, one of my favorite stand up comedians/performers had a throw away line where he said “I cried for like 3 hours after Toy Story 3.”   He didn’t cry for three hours after TS1 or TS2.  He cried for three hours after “Toy Story 3”.  And do you know why he cried for three hours?

Because this movie connects us with the most powerful, painful, deep seated pain of our fucking lives…  Moving away from our parents and siblings.  Is there anything more painful or sad than doing that? NO, there fucking isn’t!

And it dwells on this subject for like the last fifteen minutes of the movie.  If you possess even a semblance of a soul, buckets of tears explode out of you.  To call it an ugly cry would be the understatement of the century.  I can’t even think about it much less watch it.

Makes me think of being a little kid and thinking how i’d always be this age, my parents would always be on the other side of the house, my little brother would always be little and things would stay relatively the same/awesome forever.  But they don’t. They change fast as fuck and the speed with which the change changes goes fast as fuck.

To be confronted with no protective distracting walls, just full frontal “hey this is how you truly feel and you can never be a kid and your parents can never be young parents again” is one of the hardest things to swallow in life.

And gosh dang “Toy Story 3” nails that point home like only the top echelon of Pixar movies can.  It’s so good!

And I can’t end a TS3 review without mentioning the fact that right before this “ugly cry” scene they have all of the characters on a conveyor belt about to be dropped into an incinerator.  The characters look each other deep in the eye to say how much they meant to each other and then say goodbye.  WHAT? Before our very eyes you are going to KILL our favorite characters of all time! And not just kill but horribly burn and scold to death?! Are you mad sir?!

I legitimately thought they we’re going to kill them all.  But fortunately the Deus Ex Machina swung in and saved the day.

If you love thinking about times gone by that you can never have back and slowly become more depressed and sad until you can barely move then come on down to the staged reading of my screenplay “Mum Knows Best” at The Annoyance Theater 851 W Belmont Ave, Chicago, IL on Sunday Aug 9, 2015 from 5:30 PM to 7 PM because we’ll definitely cheer you up!