Number 18: “Friday The 13th”

I was absolutely obsessed with these films growing up.  There was something about the hockey mask on a deranged sociopathic killer that got my ten year old self more excited than a bear pooping in the woods.  Maybe it was the copious amounts of nudity. Maybe it was the intense blood and gore.  Maybe it was simply the crazy iconic mask of Jason that just got me excited.  In any case I loved these movies!

Funny enough I can’t really say I love them anymore.  I would never sit down and watch one.  For one they are fucking terrible.  For two they are incredibly outdated.  For three violence ain’t really my thang no more and for four, my brain has been “Clockwork Orange”-d to the point where this nudity doesn’t even cause a blip on the meter; LOL or :(? You decide!

But as a ten year old without a lot of cinematic experience, judgement or merit I FUCKING LOVED THESE MOVIES!  They we’re so violent and scary.  I would watch them in the dark by myself or with some friends and just scare myself to near insanity.  After each viewing I had to turn every light on in the house and sleep that way.  It was like voluntary torture that I really enjoyed.

Not sure what I really saw or got from this but man did I enjoy it.

I think the first Jason I was exposed to was like number 3 or 4.
It starts with this dude chainsawing a tree and there’s this really nerdy and annoying guy talking.  The dude with the chainsaw simply can’t take his nerdy ass anymore.  So in front of this attractive girl he attacks the guy with the chainsaw killing the fuck out of him.

Watching this as an eight year old I was like “oh shit! Jason hasn’t even shown up yet.  This movie is ca-RAY-Z.”  Then Jason shows up and he’s this fucking huge dude who appears to be rotting.  He’s like a zombie only he has a hockey mask on and a wicked huge rusty machete.  But even scarier than that is the absolutely bat shit crazy look in his eyes.

I don’t even remember entire movies I just remember scenes.  In “Jason In New York” the boxer dude hangs with Jason for a while.  He boxes him and nearly knocks him off the side of a pier.  Then Jason is like “enough play time” and with one punch knocks the dude’s head clean off.

Then his friends run into a diner and say “there’s a deranged serial killer after us who just punched our friends head clean off.” To which the unimpressed waitress replies “welcome to New York…”

For some reason this response made me want to go to New York even more.  I was already dying to move there and live in a super sweet abandoned subway station with my roommates the Ninja Turtles.

I have a faint recollection of watching this with my buddy Brandon.  Not sure he was as into Jason as I was but he was sure as shit as scared as I was.

In class I used to draw his mask.  I was fucking obsessed!  Now that I think about it I was showing some fairly strong signs of being a serial killer…

And if your 18th favorite movie of all time is also a movie you would never watch again and you realize now you almost became a serial killer then come on down to the staged reading of my screenplay “Mum Knows Best” at The Annoyance Theater 851 W Belmont Ave, Chicago, IL on Sunday Aug 9, 2015 from 5:30 PM to 7 PM because we’ll be safe!

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